Maybe it’s NOT the end
I was lamenting to my friend Jeff earlier today, how I feel so un-accomplished. So alone. So isolated. I stand on the precipice of 60 in less then a year. As I look back, there seemingly is nothing of importance that I have accomplished in my life. Sure I have had my successes and failures like everyone.
But being disabled/retired is not what I thought it would be. Many hours spent toiling at nothing of significance. Finding creative outlets from the boredom and tedium of the day. Autism makes it especially difficult for me, to relate to other people. I crave friendship and fellowship, but it seems to come less often. Gone are the halcyon days of social banter and interaction with fellow co-workers. Instead, I find myself talking to my cats. Companion animals. They are the only ones in this stark corner of the universe it seems, that fully understand me, and my social awkwardness.
Jeff took the time to say: “Wait a minute? You really think the best part of your ministry is in the past? Let me tell you….” and he proceeded to explain how many of the greats in the Bible, did not start their ministry until very late in life.
Abraham was 100 years old, when he had has promised son, Isaac. (Gen 21:5). Moses sat idle for 40 years (Acts 7:23 and Acts 7:30) before God called him to lead the nation of Israel out of the bondage of Egypt. He was 80. The Apostle Paul was about 50 when he was called. John wrote The Book of Revelation near the end of his life, about 92. Jesus didn’t start his ministry until he was 30 years old.
It seems God has to train us, and strip us of self pride before we are ready to be used. Jeff carefully reminded me, how my life has impacted his. “I look to you, for guidance, wisdom, and understanding. I can not find that in someone that hasn’t experienced life.”
I had to understand that God may have me on the sidelines at the moment, but He is working in me something far greater then my mind can fully conceive. God will still use me, even if I am in failing health. I just have to be available.
“Therefore we do NOT lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed, day by day.” (2 Cor 4:16 NIV)