A Christian Perspective on Homosexuality

Originally published, October 24, 2011

I do NOT represent any ecumenical or organised church’s position. These are my own personal beliefs, and no one else’s. They are what I feel. You are free to disagree. I have been a Christian for over 40 years now, and I hope that this paper both teaches, and edifies. These are my own principles and guidelines.

As Christians, we do not have the luxury of picking scriptures we think are good while ignoring others with which we do not agree. I affirm, that I believe the Bible is the living and true testament of God, given as a love letter, to his followers. It is the FINAL authority. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 tells us “ALL Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. So that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (NIV)”

Let’s start with a definition. What is homosexuality? Homosexuality is the sexual attraction of 2 individuals of the same sex, for the purposes of sex and/or romance. In and of it self, it seems innocuous, and is very prevalent in our society today, especially with the repeal of Don’t ask, Don’t tell.

It is true that hospitality in middle eastern countries is important. Some have told me the sin of Sodom and Gomorrah was a lack of hospitality. Why is it then, sodomy is NOT a word which means a lack of hospitality?

What does the Bible have to say about homosexuality? The old testament (the holiness code from Leviticus chapters 18 and 20) scriptures are clear on the subject. In addition the New Testament also weighs in:

26 Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones.

27 In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed shameful acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their error. (Romans 1:26 NIV)

Other New Testament references are in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, and 1 Timothy 1:8-10.

Consider for a moment:

“Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly beloved children and live a life of love just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or course joking, which are out of place but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: no immoral impure or greedy person — such a man is an idolater – has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words. for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.” — Ephesians 5:1-7 (NIV)

In the passage from Ephesians above homosexuality was equated with idolatry. Homosexuality worships the creation, ahead of the Creator. It puts the creature before the Creator in priorities. As I have listened over the years, a person’s identity becomes sexualized, before it can be submitted to God. Homosexuality misses the mark, because it puts something ahead of God in our priorities.

Some people view HIV/Aids as proof that God hates homosexuals. This could NOT be further from the truth. God hates sin (disobedience) and out of his loving kindness towards us says: Don’t do this.

Even Pope Francis has jumped on the bandwagon saying: “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?”

Is the Pope infallible? Again what does scripture say:

For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. (2 Tim 4:3)

Jesus’ teaching in Mark 10:6 is very clear:

6 “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.’7 ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, 8 and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Jesus’ remarks are un-mistakable. Marriage is between one man and one woman. It was this way at the beginning of creation.

We are faced with many dilemmas in our modern society. We are confronted everywhere with sexuality and sexism, and me-ism! Should we shun these people? Do we avoid them? What should be our response to a society that tells us this is the right way to go?

Do we condemn, or condone? That seems to be the choices the church offers us today. Neither is correct. We offer charity. I have offered my hand in friendship to many who our on society’s fringes. Homeless, Alcoholics, Addicted, Gay, HIV/AIDS, the outcasts, the rejected, the forgotten elements in our society.

Through me, and my life, I have a place in the ministry to others. Not by people seeing my mouth flapping. By people seeing my life working. We are the only testament someone will read. How important is it to have Christ’s compassion indwell us, so that we can minister to those in need? My mouth will not convince anyone of God’s love. My life, will.

How is your life working these days? Does it send a warm inviting tone to people, or are they blasted away through our judgemental attitude and prejudices? Make it a priority in your life to be amongst those who bless people, (Romans 12:14) and don’t curse them.

Gay people are invited to listen, and to learn. But they should not be put in any leadership, teaching, or worship related functions in the church. Communion MUST be off the table, because of an unregenerate heart.

James 3:1 tells us: Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.

Teaching is a privilege. I am divorced. The restrictions placed on me, was that if I wanted to continue to teach, I could never re-marry. For the sake of Christ and the love of the saints, I continue this way, because no sin is without consequence. This is the price I paid for divorce. Dr. Charles Stanley has the same restriction.

Let our lives extend an invitation to all the world.

14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.” (Matt 5:14-15 NIV)

For further consideration: 40 Questions for Christians Now Waving Rainbow Flags

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Addendum June 1, 2015

I have seen this posted several times on Facebook.

Christians-Ignoring-Some-Bible-Parts

I’d like to respond. Slavery is a presumption in the Bible.

Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey–whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? (Romans 6:16 NIV)

Also,

Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. 22 For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. 23 You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. 24 Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. (1 Cor 7:21-24 NIV)

Suicide is Painless — A Christian Perspective

I. Introduction

Suicide is Painless

through early morning fog I see
visions of the things to be
the pains that are withheld for me
I realize and I can see…
[chorus]

The game of life is hard to play
I’m gonna lose it anyway
The losing card I’ll someday lay
so this is all I have to say.
[chorus]

The sword of time will pierce our skins
It doesn’t hurt when it begins
But as it works its way on in
The pain grows stronger…watch it grin, but…
[chorus]

A brave man once requested me
to answer questions that are key
‘is it to be or not to be’
and I replied ‘oh why ask me?’
[chorus]
and you can do the same thing
if you please.

[chorus]
‘Cause suicide is painless
it brings on many changes
and I can take or leave it if I please.
© Columbia/CBS Johnny Mandel (music) / Mike Altman (lyrics)

Each of us knows someone who has committed suicide or attempted suicide. It is no longer a passing fancy. 30,000 people every year. (2001 data from suicide.org) One person commits suicide or attempts suicide every minute. People choose to end their life early, because of seemingly insufferable physical, mental, emotional, relational, financial or spiritual pain. None of us are immune to the beckoning call to short circuit life’s miseries. Perhaps most recent in the minds, is the suicide of actor Robin Williams. We are not here to debate the efficacy of this final curtain call. We are here to remind Christians of their intrinsic heritage and worth.

II. Is Suicide the Unpardonable Sin?

Some Christian’s believe that suicide is the unpardonable sin mentioned in the Gospel of Matthew:

 “The man who is not on my side is against me, and the man who does not gather with me is really scattering. That is why I tell you that men may be forgiven for every sin and blasphemy, but blasphemy against the Spirit cannot be forgiven. A man may say a word against the Son of Man and be forgiven, but whoever speaks against the Holy Spirit cannot be forgiven either in this world or in the world to come!” (Matt 12:30-32 J. B. Phillips)

Everyone has to die once, then face the consequences. 28 Christ’s death was also a one-time event, but it was a sacrifice that took care of sins forever. And so, when he next appears, the outcome for those eager to greet him is, precisely, salvation. (Hebrews 9:27-28 The Message)

it_can_be_forgiven

Simply, there is NO sin, including suicide that Jesus didn’t die for (past, present or future) that you can name. Taking God’s name in anger? Forgiven. Murder? Forgiven. Prostitution? Forgiven. Suicide? Forgiven. The only sin that cannot be forgiven is rejecting the “Wooing of the Spirit” as Dr. Charles Stanley so aptly puts it. If a person wilfully rejects the message of the Holy Spirit, this is the unpardonable sin. In the end, God grants the individual his desire to be eternally separated from him. “God’s choice is to let man decide their own eternal destiny, because the invitation is given to all.” (Richards, L. (1990). The 365 Day Devotional Commentary. Wheaton, Il. Victor Publications)

Doesn’t the Bible say you shouldn’t kill? There’s a commandment about that. No, the commandment from Exodus says: “You shall not murder. (Exodus 20:13 NIV) Soldiers kill the enemy. Murder is the WILLFULL pre-meditation of taking the life of another.

Further proof, is left as an exercise for the reader to perform.

III. Eternal consequences of Suicide (lose rewards)

Be glad then, yes, be tremendously glad – for your reward in Heaven is magnificent. They persecuted the prophets before your time in exactly the same way. (Matt 5:12 J. B. Phillips)

Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.. (James 1:12 The Message)

You’ve all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally.

I don’t know about you, but I’m running hard for the finish line. I’m giving it everything I’ve got. No sloppy living for me! I’m staying alert and in top condition. I’m not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. (1 Corinthians 9:24-27 The Message)

The Christian that commits suicide forfeits any rewards God would have bestowed upon them, because they did NOT finish the race. The eternal consequences are unfathomable. Remember our rewards are in Heaven, for the life we lived as the ambassador of Christ.

What about Jesus’ life. Jesus said “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” (Luke 22:42 NIV) Jesus was obedient to the will of the Father. But what would have been the eternal consequences if Jesus had said: “My life is meaningless. I am going no where. This suffering has no purpose. I’ll take the easy way out and commit suicide.” Stop! Let that sink in for a moment.

What would have been the eternal consequences of suicide? if Jesus had committed suicide, to avoid Cavalry’s cross?

  • Mankind would still be lost.
  • Mankind would still be in sin.
  • Old covenant sacrifices – sin NOT atoned (paid for); it would only be covered.
  • No Holy Spirit to guide us.
  • No mediator between God and Man.
  • No eternal life. (John 3:16)

Through the Spirit, Christ offered himself as an unblemished sacrifice, freeing us from all those dead-end efforts to make ourselves respectable, so that we can live all out for God. (Heb 9:15 The Message)

IV. What gives our life value? (Relationship with the Creator of the Universe)

“Relatively few of us experience the blend of contentment and godly intensity that God desires for each person. From the outset, we find ourselves on the prowl, searching to satisfy some inner, unexplained yearning. Our hunger causes us to search for people who will love us. Our desire for acceptance pressures us to perform for the praise of others. We strive for success, driving our minds and bodies harder and farther, hoping that because of our sweat and sacrifice, others will appreciate us more.

But the man or woman who lives only for the love and attention of others is never satisfied — at least not for long. Despite our efforts, we will never find lasting, fulfilling peace if we have to continually prove ourselves to others. Our desire to be loved and accepted is a symptom of a deeper need — the need that often governs our behaviour and is the primary source of our emotional pain. Often unrecognised, this is our need for self-worth.” (Mc Gee, R. (1992). The Search for Significance Devotional, Houston, Tx. Rapha Publications, page 16)

  • “God doesn’t really care about me.
  • I am an unlovable, worthless person. Nobody will ever love me.
  • I’ll never be able to change.
  • I’ve been a failure all my life. I guess I’ll always be a failure.” (op cit. Page 14)

What about suffering? This may be one of the most important values of suffering.  If life on earth were a constant joy, why would we fix our hope fully on the grace to be brought to us at Jesus’ return?  If life on earth were without difficulty, how would we remain sensitive to our need for God?  If life on earth were without trials or persecution, how would we be forced to choose between commitment to Christ, and comfort or ease?

As Peter said, suffering does have value.  It reveals the genuineness of our faith, and brings praise to the Lord.” (Richards, L. (1990). The 365 Day Devotional Commentary. Wheaton, Il. Victor Publications, pages 1108-1109)

I am reminded of the true story of my friend Ian. It was the first time I had ever visited Tucson, back in 1996. The last night I was with Ian, I said, “Ian, I want to ask you a very hard question.  It is hard for me to even ask this question.  You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“I’ve seen you suffering with this affliction, and there is nothing I or medical science can do to alleviate your condition.  You WILL die. Ian, what has stopped you from putting a gun to your head, and ending it all?  The words just spilled out of my mouth.  I gasped.  I thought,  “Oh my God, what did I just say to him?”

Without hesitation, Ian said, “Because I know that God will heal me. Either in this life, or the next.”  Ian received the ultimate healing a few weeks later.  He understood the value of his relationship with God, EVEN through a time of great adversity. He never gave up. He refused to take the easy way out, even though his body was racked with pain.

Suicide is:

  • The belief that God is NOT omniscient (knows everything).
  • God is NOT omnipotent (in control of everything).
  • God is NOT omnipresent (God is everywhere).

If a person talks about suicide: take it seriously. If they joke about suicide: take it seriously. Eternity is in the balance.

Many suicidal people I have talked to, feel that they have no value; no self-worth or self esteem. They believe the lie: self-worth = my performance + other people’s opinion.

God is able to offer succour to anyone who trusts in Him. God does NOT bring us to Disneyland in the midst of a trial. God provides just enough shade, a broom tree, so that we can rest and go one more step.

Our performance and others’ opinions will always fluctuate. We need to anchor our beliefs in something far deeper than man’s opinion. Because Jesus didn’t short-circuit God’s will, and died on the cross for you and for me, this is what happens the moment we become a Christian:

  • All your sins are forgiven: past, present, and future. (Col 2:13-14).
  • You become a child of God (John 1:12, Romans 8:15)
  • You receive eternal life (John 5:24).
  • You are delivered from Satan’s domain and transferred into the kind of Christ. (Col 1:13)
  • Christ comes to dwell with you (Col 1:26; Rev 3:20).
  • You become a new creation (2 Cor 5:17)
  • You enter into a love relationship with God (1 John 4:9-11)
  • You are accepted by God (Col 1:19-22)

(op cit, page 187)

This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they’ve done to our relationship with God. (1 John 4:9-11 The Message)

Let’s personalise scripture. Let’s change John 3:16 to this:

 “This is how much God loved [ME]: He gave his Son, his one and only Son. And this is why: so that [I should NOT] be destroyed; by believing in him, [I] can have a whole and lasting life. God didn’t go to all the trouble of sending his Son merely to point an accusing finger, telling [ME] how bad [I] was. He came to help, to put [ME] right again. [IF I TRUST] in him [I WILL BE] acquitted; [BUT IF I] refuse to trust him[, I WILL CONTINUE BEING] under the death sentence without knowing it. And why? Because of [MY] failure to believe in the one-of-a-kind Son of God when [I AM] introduced to him.” (John 3:16-20 The Message)

We have a choice. We can build our self-esteem on our performance and other’s opinions, or begin to reshape our self esteem, based upon Christ’s atoning (payment in full) sacrifice to buy you and me back from “the wages of our sin.” (Rom 6:23)

What does the Bible say about Suicide:

But Paul shouted to him, “Stop! Don’t kill yourself! We are all here!” (Acts 16:28 New Living Translation)

suicide>/figure>
“Suicide does not end the chance of life getting worse. It eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.” – anonymous

Resources:

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255

Depression FAQ

Christmas Presence

xmas_present

The Colorado Blue Spruce Christmas tree was trimmed with lights, ornaments, and tinsel. It was jubilantly displayed in the corner of the room, with it’s bright shining star blazing atop. A beacon of good things to come.

Children ooh’d and ahh’d as its delightful scent settled in the warm cozy home. On Christmas day, it was decked with presents and all sorts of wonderment. A tie for Dad. A sweater for Mom. And lots of toys and goodies for the kids. All of course, courtesy of Santa! Like a Norman Rockwell painting, it spurred imagination, and punctuated anticipation.

Christmas sets in motion the gears of business. Holiday jingles are a reminder of the excess created by the man-made Christmas. The credo seems to be:

“Angels we have heard on high,
Telling us go out and buy.”

Christmas should serve as a reminder to us all. The true meaning of Christmas is lost in the busyness of the season. Merry Christmas becomes just another greeting.

The essential nature of Christmas is not found from without. It is found from within. As we gaze at the manger displays, all we see is a baby with straw and two bewildered parents. If you are fortunate, perhaps some animals.

What we should see is God himself becoming one of us. He came humbly. To buy us back from the clutches of the man-made world. When we see a manger, we should also see a cross. The King of the Universe paid the ultimate sacrifice, to buy us back. We don’t want to see that. We want to see something tangible: presents under the Christmas Tree.

What God wants, is presence. He wants to be with you, as you sojourn along the path of life. Jesus will not force his way into your life. Like a friend, you must open the door of your heart and invite him in. The greatest Christmas present, is presence.

Immigration Reform: Arizona May Have The Solution

White House

White House

White House from uannews.org

Between 1900 and 1910, many people immigrated to the United States. They were scared. They were frightened. They were young. BUT, all of them were processed as legal immigrants. This nation is thankful for the sacrifice these immigrants made.

Since then, huddled masses are teaming to this shore. The lessons proffered from 9/11: still unlearned. The nation’s borders are no more secure today, then the were a decade ago. Drug cartel and gang violence spill over from Mexico to the U.S. A rancher in Cochise County (in the South-east corner of Arizona) was shot and killed. The trail led back to the border.

Something needs to be done! But the impotent Federal Government, steadfastly refuses to lift a finger, to help protect and preserve its citizens. Enough! The citizenry grows impatient, for they know their patience, will never be rewarded.

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. (10th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution)

Since the Federal Government refuses to protect its citizens, The Arizona Legislature (both Houses), and Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R), have created and enacted into law SB 1070, a “verbatim copy of the Federal Statutes” in this area. Has Congress ever enacted legislation deemed, unconstitutional? Of course. The 1954 Supreme Court decision Brown vs Board of Education struck down the concept of separate but equal.

If SB 1070 is deemed unconstitutional, then the Federal Statutes which created it, are also unconstitutional. This is a decision only SCOTUS (Supreme Court of the United States) can make.

You are welcome to come to the United States with open arms. But do so, like many others have: legally. Minorities understand what discrimination feels like, because our country was built on the backs of poor immigrants that came to this country and worked to build railroad tracks, sky scrapers and the country we now enjoy. But when the welcome arms of our government opened the doors to all that wanted to enter our country, it was a country filled with barren fields and opportunities for those that wanted to come, and build a country with the sweat of their brows and sworn loyalty to the laws of a country. Today, this no longer holds true.

Many illegal aliens already know how to navigate to the head of the line when they need health care. Those who are legal citizens of the United States, pay taxes and abide by the laws and struggle to survive, seem to get ignored. It would appear that nothing has changed in our country, and yet it has.

With over 500,000 illegal immigrants in Arizona alone, the state finds itself in a dire financial situation. The only aid seems to be coming from the legal Tax Paying residents. That is not enough, when others are pulling down resources faster then they can be built up. Legal citizens are the same people who have to house, feed, and educate their families too in these difficult times. That in itself seems to be a daunting task.

The state of Arizona, is attempting to solve one of its financial burdens in a way that the Federal Government refuses. By securing its borders and protecting its citizens against the spread of illegal immigration, gang violence, and drug cartels Is that wrong? A nation must take care of its own family first, and then try to help others.

No man is above the law and no man is below it; nor do we ask any man’s permission when we ask him to obey it. Obedience to the law is demanded as a right; not asked as a favor. Theodore Roosevelt, 3rd State of the Union Address

There are no perfect solutions to this problem. If it means trying new methods of control by enforcing new laws, then so be it. The only way to make progress is to attempt to find and implement solutions and modify or change them if they don’t work. Doing nothing at all will surely never be a solution to the steady stream of illegal immigrants that drain finances and services for an already over burdened government.

Hearing Impaired License Plate (Arizona)

Adot form 96-0104

The laws of each state differ. Here in Arizona it IS possible to obtain a hearing impaired license plate.

The Arizona license plate (which begins with the letter “H” followed by 5 digits) immediately alerts law enforcement personnel that the driver is hearing impaired.

The requirements differ from state to state, but for Arizona, you will need to complete: ADOT Form 96-0104

For Hearing impaired: “To alert law enforcement and others to the driver’s conditions (not for special parking privileges).

Medical Certification must be completed by a person licensed to practice medicine in the United States or an audiologist certified by the American Speech, Language and Hearing Association. Applicant must be unable to hear or understand normal speech, with or with a hearing aid in optimal conditions. (ADOT form 96-0104)

Adot form 96-0104

Laws vary by state. Check with each state’s local Department of Motor Vehicles for applicable laws.

Precious Gifts

We hear the word “precious” bantered around like it is something ordinary. We might hear: “Oh doesn’t so-and-so look precious?” The word seems pedestrian. We hear it everywhere.

I like this definition of precious: (from dictionary.reference.com)

(something) highly esteemed for some spiritual, non material, or moral quality:

It is uncommon. It is exceedingly rare.

This past week, I realised I had two very distinct precious gifts.

A person who is part of my extended family was ill. He came home from the hospital, to die. We didn’t know when, but was certain that we had a few days. He came home on a Friday. Despite all, we had a great evening, enjoying each others company. The next day, Saturday, we also enjoyed a wonderful (awe filled) day. He wanted sausage. I went home to prepare the peppers and onions that would accompany the meal. He didn’t eat a lot, but as I jokingly said, he always ate with gusto. He savoured every morsel. It was time to rest. He was having difficultly moving, so his wife called me to help him back to bed. A few hours later, he had passed. No lingering illness. No suffering. He was gone.

The Bible says:

“Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his faithful servants.” (Psalm 116:15 NIV)

While I was saddened at the loss of a dear friend, I realised that God had given me a great honour. I was privileged to help prepare the last meal he would eat on this earth. While I wasn’t there physically when he passed, I knew that he was safely in the arms of our beloved Saviour.

Exactly a week later, I was visiting a friend who is severely autistic. I have high functioning Autism. I share a kindred bond with other Autistics, that Neuro-Typicals (our name for people who are NOT on the Autism Spectrum) would not understand. One of the other residents there, a non-verbal Autistic, had been seated in the living room. He enjoys playing with toys, and I asked the staff if it would be okay if I gave Michael a toy. They said it would be fine. As I carefully placed the toy in his lap, he took my hand in his. He looked at me, then carefully took my hand, and kissed it. People with Autism are usually poor at non-verbal communication. This simple act communicated volumes. God had again bestowed, a precious gift.

“The closer we are to the Lord, the more likely He is to commit precious things and precious people to our care. Let’s love him deeply, that we might be privileged to serve our Lord as John served Christ.”

Richards, L., (1990). The 365 Day Daily Devotional, pg 810, Wheaton , Illinois: Victor Publications

The Strange and Curious Tale of the Last True Hermit

An interesting story about the last hermit, Aspergers, surviving.

The Strange & Curious Tale of the Last True Hermit

Reposted from here. The original site has tonnes of excess contacts a loads very slow.

——–

For nearly thirty years, a phantom haunted the woods of Central Maine. Unseen and unknown, he lived in secret, creeping into homes in the dead of night and surviving on what he could steal. To the spooked locals, he became a legend—or maybe a myth. They wondered how he could possibly be real. Until one day last year, the hermit came out of the forest

By Michael Finkel

September 2014

Photo: Andy Molloy/ Kennebec Journal/ AP Photo

The hermit set out of camp at midnight, carrying his backpack and his bag of break-in tools, and threaded through the forest, rock to root to rock, every step memorized. Not a boot print left behind. It was cold and nearly moonless, a fine night for a raid, so he hiked about an hour to the Pine Tree summer camp, a few dozen cabins spread along the shoreline of North Pond in central Maine. With an expert twist of a screwdriver, he popped open a door of the dining hall and slipped inside, scanning the pantry shelves with his penlight.

Candy! Always good. Ten rolls of Smarties, stuffed in a pocket. Then, into his backpack, a bag of marshmallows, two tubs of ground coffee, some Humpty Dumpty potato chips. Burgers and bacon were in the locked freezer. On a previous raid at Pine Tree, he’d stolen a key to the walk-in, and now he used it to open the stainless-steel door. The key was attached to a plastic four-leaf-clover key chain, with one of the leaves partially broken off. A three-and-a-half-leaf clover.

He could’ve used a little more luck. Newly installed in the Pine Tree kitchen, hidden behind the ice machine, was a military-grade motion detector. The device remained silent in the kitchen but sounded an alarm in the home of Sergeant Terry Hughes, a game warden who’d become obsessed with catching the thief. Hughes lived a mile away. He raced to the camp in his pickup truck and sprinted to the rear of the dining hall. He peeked in a window.

And there he was. Probably. The person stealing food appeared entirely too clean, his face freshly shaved. He wore eyeglasses and a wool ski hat. Was this really the North Pond Hermit, a man who’d tormented the surrounding community for years—decades—yet the police still hadn’t learned his name?

Hughes used his cell phone, quietly, and asked the Maine State Police to alert trooper Diane Perkins-Vance, who had also been hunting the hermit. Before Perkins-Vance could get there, the burglar, his backpack full, started toward the exit. If the man stepped into the forest, Hughes understood, he might never be found again.

The burglar eased out of the dining hall, and Hughes used his left hand to blind the man with his flashlight; with his right he aimed his .357 square on his nose. “Get on the ground!” he bellowed.

The thief complied, no resistance, and lay facedown, candy spilling out of his pockets. It was one thirty in the morning on April 4, 2013. Perkins-Vance soon arrived, and the burglar was placed, handcuffed, in a plastic chair. The officers asked his name. He refused to answer. His skin was strangely pale; his glasses, with chunky plastic frames, were extremely outdated. But he wore a nice Columbia jacket, new Lands’ End blue jeans, and sturdy boots. The officers searched him, and no identification was located.

Hughes left the suspect alone with Perkins-Vance. She removed his handcuffs and gave him a bottle of water. And he started to speak. A little. When Perkins-Vance asked why he didn’t want to answer any questions, he said he was ashamed. He spoke haltingly, uncertainly; the connection between his mind and his mouth seemed to have atrophied from disuse. But over the next couple of hours, he gradually opened up.

His name, he revealed, was Christopher Thomas Knight. Born on December 7, 1965. He said he had no address, no vehicle, did not file a tax return, and did not receive mail. He said he lived in the woods.

“For how long?” wondered Perkins-Vance.

Illustration by Tim O’Brien

Knight thought for a bit, then asked when the Chernobyl nuclear-plant disaster occurred. He had long ago lost the habit of marking time in months or years; this was just a news event he happened to remember. The nuclear meltdown took place in 1986, the same year, Knight said, he went to live in the woods. He was 20 years old at the time, not long out of high school. He was now 47, a middle-aged man.

Knight stated that over all those years he slept only in a tent. He never lit a fire, for fear that smoke would give his camp away. He moved strictly at night. He said he didn’t know if his parents were alive or dead. He’d not made one phone call or driven in a car or spent any money. He had never in his life sent an e-mail or even seen the Internet.

He confessed that he’d committed approximately forty robberies a year while in the woods—a total of more than a thousand break-ins. But never when anyone was home. He said he stole only food and kitchenware and propane tanks and reading material and a few other items. Knight admitted that everything he possessed in the world, he’d stolen, including the clothes he was wearing, right down to his underwear. The only exception was his eyeglasses.

Perkins-Vance called dispatch and learned that Knight had no criminal record. He said he grew up in a nearby community, and his senior picture was soon located in the 1984 Lawrence High School yearbook. He was wearing the same eyeglasses.

For close to three decades, Knight said, he had not seen a doctor or taken any medicine. He mentioned that he had never once been sick. You had to have contact with other humans, he claimed, in order to get sick.

When, said Perkins-Vance, was the last time he’d had contact with another person?

Sometime in the 1990s, answered Knight, he passed a hiker while walking in the woods.

“What did you say?” asked Perkins-Vance.

“I said, ‘Hi,’ ” Knight replied. Other than that single syllable, he insisted, he had not spoken with or touched another human being, until this night, for twenty-seven years.

···

Christopher Knight was arrested, charged with burglary and theft, and transported to the Kennebec County jail in Augusta, the state capital. For the first time in nearly 10,000 days, he slept indoors.

News of the capture stunned the citizens of North Pond. For decades, they’d felt haunted by…something. It was hard to say what. At first, in the late 1980s, there were strange occurrences. Flashlights were missing their batteries. Steaks disappeared from the fridge. New propane tanks on the grill had been replaced by old ones. “My grandkids thought I was losing my mind,” said David Proulx, whose vacation cabin was broken into at least fifty times.

Then people began noticing other things. Wood shavings near window locks; scratches on doorframes. Was it a neighbor? A gang of teenagers? The robberies continued—boat batteries, frying pans, winter jackets. Fear took hold. “We always felt like he was watching us,” one resident said. The police were called, repeatedly, but were unable to help.

Locks were changed, alarm systems installed. Nothing seemed to stop him. Or her. Or them. No one knew. A few desperate residents even left notes on their doors: “Please don’t break in. Tell me what you need and I’ll leave it out for you.” There was never a reply.

Incidents mounted, and the phantom morphed into legend. Eventually he was given a name: the North Pond Hermit. At a homeowners’ meeting in 2002, the hundred people present were asked who had suffered break-ins. Seventy-five raised their hands. Campfire hermit stories were swapped. One kid recalled that when he was 10 years old, all his Halloween candy was stolen. That kid is now 34.

Still the robberies persisted. The crimes, after so long, felt almost supernatural. “The legend of the hermit lived on for years and years,” said Pete Cogswell, whose jeans and belt were worn by the hermit when he was caught. “Did I believe it? No. Who really could?”

Knight’s arrest, rather than eliminating disbelief, only enhanced it. The truth was stranger than the myth. One man had actually lived in the woods of Maine for twenty-seven years, in an unheated nylon tent. Winters in Maine are long and intensely cold: a wet, windy cold, the worst kind of cold. A week of winter camping is an impressive achievement. An entire season is practically unheard of.

Though hermits have been documented for thousands of years, Knight’s feat appears to exist in a category of its own. He engaged in zero communication with the outside world. He never snapped a photo. He did not keep a journal. His camp was undisclosed to everyone.

There may have been others like Knight, whose commitment to isolation was absolute—he planned to live his entire life in secret—but if so, they were never found. Capturing Knight was the human equivalent of netting a giant squid. He was an uncontacted tribe of one.

Reporters across Maine, and soon enough across the nation and the world, attempted to contact him. What did he wish to tell us? What secrets had he uncovered? How had he survived? He stayed resolutely silent. Even after his arrest, the North Pond Hermit remained a complete mystery.

···

I decided to write him a letter. I wrote it by hand, pen on paper, and sent it from my home in Montana to the Kennebec County jail. I mentioned I was a journalist seeking explanations for his baffling life. A week later, a white envelope arrived in my mailbox. The return address, printed in blue ink in wobbly-looking block letters, read “Chris Knight.” It was a brief note—three paragraphs; 272 words. Still, it contained some of the first statements Knight had shared with anyone in the world.

“I replied to your letter,” he explained, “because writing letters relieves somewhat the stress and boredom of my present situation.” Also, he didn’t feel comfortable speaking. “My vocal, verbal skills have become rather rusty and slow.”

I’d mentioned in my letter that I was an avid reader. From what I could tell, Knight was, too. Many victims of Knight’s thefts reported that their books were often stolen—from Tom Clancy potboilers to dense military histories to James Joyce’s Ulysses.

Continued (page 2 of 5)

Hemingway, I wrote, was one of my favorites. It seemed that Knight was shy about everything except literary criticism; he answered that he felt “rather lukewarm” about Hemingway. Instead, he noted, he’d rather read Rudyard Kipling, preferably his “lesser known works.” As if catching himself getting a little friendly, he added that since he didn’t know me, he really didn’t want to say more.

Then he seemed concerned that he was now being too unfriendly. “I wince at the rudeness of this reply but think it better to be clear and honest rather than polite. Tempted to say ‘nothing personal,’ but handwritten letters are always personal.” He ended with: “It was kind of you to write. Thank you.” He did not sign his name.

I wrote him back and sent him a couple of Kiplings (The Man Who Would Be King and Captains Courageous). His response, two and a half pages, felt as raw and honest as a diary entry. He was suffering in jail; the noise and the filth tore at his senses. “You asked how I sleep. Little and uneasy. I am nearly always tired and nervous.” In his next letter, he added, in his staccato, almost song-lyric style, that he deserved to be imprisoned. “I stole. I was a thief. I repeatedly stole over many years. I knew it was wrong. Knew it was wrong, felt guilty about it every time, yet continued to do it.”

We exchanged letters throughout the summer of 2013. Rather than becoming gradually more accustomed to jail, to being around other people, Knight was deteriorating. In the woods, he said, he’d always carefully maintained his facial hair, but now he stopped shaving. “Use my beard,” he wrote, “as a jail calendar.”

He tried several times to converse with other inmates. He could force out a few hesitant words, but every topic—music, movies, television—was lost on him, as was most slang. “You speak like a book,” one inmate teased. Whereupon he ceased talking.

“I am retreating into silence as a defensive move,” he wrote. Soon he was down to uttering just five words, and only to guards: yes; no; please; thank you. “I am surprised by the amount of respect this garners me. That silence intimidates puzzles me. Silence is to me normal, comfortable.”

He wrote little about his time in the woods, but what he did reveal was harrowing. Some years, he made it clear, he barely survived the winter. In one letter, he told me that to get through difficult times, he tried meditating. “I didn’t meditate every day, month, season in the woods. Just when death was near. Death in the form of too little food or too much cold for too long.” Meditation worked, he concluded. “I am alive and sane, at least I think I’m sane.” As always there was no formal closing. His letters simply ended, sometimes mid-thought.

He returned to the theme of sanity in a following letter. “When I came out of the woods they applied the label hermit to me. Strange idea to me. I had never thought of myself as a hermit. Then I got worried. For I knew with the label hermit comes the idea of crazy. See the ugly little joke.”

Even worse, he feared his time in jail would only prove correct those who doubted his sanity. “I suspect,” he wrote, “more damage has been done to my sanity in jail, in months; than years, decades, in the woods.”

His legal proceedings were mired in delays, as the district attorney and his lawyer tried to figure out how justice could be served in a case entirely without precedent.

After four months in jail, Knight had no clue what punishment awaited. A sentence of a dozen or more years was possible. “Stress levels sky high,” he wrote. “Give me a number. How long? Months? Years? How long in prison for me. Tell me the worst. How long?”

In the end, he decided he could not even write. “For a while writing relieved stress for me. No longer.” He sent one last, heartbreaking letter in which he seemed at the verge of breakdown. “Still tired. More tired. Tireder, tiredest, tired ad nauseam, tired infinitum.”

And that was it. He never wrote me again. Though he did finally sign his name. Despite the exhaustion and the tension, the last words he penned were wry and self-mocking: “Your friendly neighborhood Hermit, Christopher Knight.”

···

Three weeks after his final letter, I flew to Maine. The Kennebec County jail, a three-story slab of pale gray cinder blocks, permits visitors most evenings at six forty-five. I arrived early. “Who you here to see?” asked a corrections officer.

“Christopher Knight.”

“Relationship?”

“Friend,” I answered unconfidently. He didn’t know I was here, and I had my doubts he’d see me.

I sat on a bench as other visitors checked in. Beyond the walls of the waiting room, I could hear piercing buzzers and slamming doors. Eventually an officer appeared and called out, “Knight.”

He unlocked a maroon door and I stepped inside a visitors’ booth. Three short stools were bolted to the floor in front of a narrow desk. Over the desk, dividing the booth into sealed-off halves, was a thick pane of shatterproof plastic. Sitting on a stool on the other side of the pane was Christopher Knight.

Rarely in my life have I witnessed someone less pleased to see me. His lips, thin, were pulled into a downturned scowl. His eyes did not rise to meet mine. I sat across from him, and there was no acknowledgment of my presence, not the merest nod. He gazed someplace beyond my left shoulder. He was wearing a dull green overlaundered jail uniform several sizes too big.

A black phone receiver was hanging on the wall. I picked it up. He picked his up—the first movement I saw him make.

I spoke first. “Nice to meet you, Chris.”

He didn’t respond. He just sat there, stone-faced. His balding head shone like a snowfield beneath the fluorescent lights; his beard was a mess of reddish brown curls. He had on silver-framed glasses, different from the ones he’d worn forever in the woods. He was very skinny. He’d lost a great deal of weight since his arrest.

I tend to babble when I’m nervous, but I made a conscious effort to restrain myself. I recalled what Knight wrote in his letter about being comfortable with silence. I looked at him not looking at me. Maybe a minute passed.

That was all I could endure. “The constant banging and buzzing in here,” I said, “must be so jarring compared with the sounds of nature.” He shifted his eyes to me—a small victory—then glanced away. His eyes are light brown. He scarcely has any eyebrows. I let my comment hang in the air.

Then he spoke. Or at least his mouth moved. His first words to me were inaudible. I saw why: He was holding the phone’s mouthpiece too low, below his chin. It had been decades since he’d used a phone; he was out of practice. I indicated with my hand that he needed to move it up. He did. And he repeated his grand pronouncement.

“It’s jail,” he said. There was nothing more. Silence again.

I shouldn’t have come. He didn’t want me here; I didn’t feel comfortable being here. But the jail had granted me a one-hour visit, and I resolved to stay. I settled atop my stool. I felt hyperaware of all my gestures, my expressions, my breathing. Chris’s right leg, I saw through the scuffed window, was bouncing rapidly. He scratched at his skin.

Photo: Jennifer Smith-Mayo

My patience was rewarded. First his leg settled down. He quit scratching. And then, rather shockingly, he started talking.

“Some people want me to be this warm and fuzzy person. All filled with friendly hermit wisdom. Just spouting off fortune-cookie lines from my hermit home.”

His voice was clear; he’d retained the stretched vowels of a Down East Maine accent. And his words, when he deigned to release them, could evidently be imaginative and entertaining. And caustic.

“Your hermit home—like under a bridge?” I said, trying to play along.

He presented me with an achingly long blink.

“You’re thinking of a troll.”

I laughed. His face moved in the direction of a smile. We had made a connection—or at least the awkwardness of our introduction had softened. We began to converse somewhat normally. He called me Mike and I called him Chris.

He explained about the lack of eye contact. “I’m not used to seeing people’s faces,” he said. “There’s too much information there. Aren’t you aware of it? Too much, too fast.”

I followed his cue and looked over his shoulder while he stared over mine. We maintained this arrangement for most of the visit. Chris had recently been given a mental-health evaluation by Maine’s forensic service. The report mentioned a possible diagnosis of Asperger’s disorder, a form of autism often marked by exceptional intelligence but extreme sensitivity to motions, sounds, and light.

Chris had just learned of Asperger’s while in jail, and he seemed unfazed by the diagnosis. “I don’t think I’ll be a spokesman for the Asperger’s telethon. Do they still do telethons? I hate Jerry Lewis.” He said he was taking no medications. “But I don’t like people touching me,” he added. “You’re not a hugger, are you?”

I admitted that I do at times participate in embraces.

“I’m glad this is between us,” he said, indicating the glass. “If there was a set of blinds here, I’d close them.”

There was a part of me that was perversely charmed by Chris. He could seem prickly—he is prickly—but this was merely a protective cover. He told me that since his capture, he’d often found himself emotionally overwhelmed at unexpected moments. “Like TV commercials,” he said, “have made me teary. It’s not a good thing in jail to have people see you crying.”

Everything he said seemed candid and blunt, unfiltered by the safety net of social niceties. “I’m not sorry about being rude if it gets to the point quicker,” he told me.

Continued (page 3 of 5)

That’s fine, I said, though I expected to ask questions that might kindle his rudeness. But I started with a gentle one: What was your life like before you went into the forest?

···

Before he slept in the woods for a quarter century straight, Chris never once spent a night in a tent. He was raised in the community of Albion, a forty-five-minute drive east of his camp; he has four older brothers and one younger sister. His father, who died in 2001, worked in a creamery. His mother, now in her eighties, still lives in the same house where Chris grew up, a modest two-story colonial on a wooded fifty-acre plot.

The family is extremely private and did not speak with me. Their next-door neighbor told me that in fourteen years, he hasn’t exchanged more than a word with Chris’s mom. Sometimes he sees her getting the paper. “Culturally my family is old Yankee,” Chris said. “We’re not emotionally bleeding all over each other. We’re not touchy-feely. Stoicism is expected.”

Chris insisted that he had a fine childhood. “No complaints,” he said. “I had good parents.” He shared vivid stories of moose hunting with his father. “A couple of hunting trips I slept in the back of the pickup, but never alone and never in a tent.” After he’d disappeared, his family apparently didn’t report him missing to the police, though they may have hired a private detective. No one uncovered a clue. Two of Chris’s brothers, Joel and Tim, visited him in jail. “I didn’t recognize them,” Chris admitted.

“My brothers supposed I was dead,” said Chris, “but never expressed this to my mom. They always wanted to give her hope. Maybe he’s in Texas, they’d say. Or he’s in the Rocky Mountains.” Chris did not allow his mother to visit. “Look at me, I’m in my prison clothes. That’s not how I was raised. I couldn’t face her.”

He said he had excellent grades in high school, though no friends, and graduated early. Like two of his brothers, he enrolled in a nine-month electronics course at Sylvania Technical School in Waltham, Massachusetts. Then, still in Waltham, he took a job installing home and vehicle alarm systems; valuable knowledge to have once he started stealing.

He bought a new car, a white 1985 Subaru Brat. His brother Joel co-signed the loan. “I screwed him on that,” Chris said. “I still owe him.” He worked less than a year before he quit. He drove the Brat to Maine, went through his hometown without stopping—”one last look around”—and kept driving north. Soon he reached the edge of Moosehead Lake, where Maine begins to get truly remote.

“I drove until I was nearly out of gas. I took a small road. Then a small road off that small road. Then a trail off that.” He parked the car. He placed the keys in the center console. “I had a backpack and minimal stuff. I had no plans. I had no map. I didn’t know where I was going. I just walked away.”

It was late summer of 1986. He’d camp in one spot for a week or so, then hike south, following the natural geology of Maine, with its long, glacier-carved valleys. “I lost track of where I was,” he said. “I didn’t care.” For a while, he tried foraging for food. He ate roadkill partridges. Then he began taking corn and potatoes from people’s gardens.

“But I wanted more than vegetables,” he said. “It took a while to overcome my scruples. I was always scared when stealing. Always.” He insists he never encountered anyone during a robbery; he made sure there was no car in the driveway, no sign of anyone inside. “It was usually 1 or 2 A.M. I’d go in, hit the cabinets, the refrigerator. In and out. My heart rate was soaring. It was not a comfortable act. I took no pleasure in it, none at all, and I wanted it over as quickly as possible.” A single mistake, he understood, and the outside world would snatch him back.

He roamed about for two years before he discovered the campsite he would call home. He knew at once it was ideal. “Then,” he said, “I settled in.”

The majority of North Pond residents I spoke with found it hard to believe Knight’s story. Many insisted that he either had help or spent the winters in unoccupied cabins. As the time allotted for our visit wound down, I challenged Chris myself: You must, I said, have had assistance at some time. Or slept in a cabin. Or used a bathroom.

Chris’s demeanor changed. It was the only time in our meeting that he held eye contact. “Never once did I sleep inside,” he said. He never used a shower. Or a toilet.

He did admit to thawing meat in a microwave a few times during break-ins. But he endured every season entirely on his own. “I’m a thief. I induced fear. People have a right to be angry. But I have not lied.”

I trusted him. I sensed, in fact, that Chris was practically incapable of lying. I wasn’t alone in this thought. Diane Perkins-Vance, the state trooper present at his arrest, told me that much of her job consisted of sorting through lies people fed her. With Chris, however, she had no doubts. “Unequivocally,” she said, “I believe him.”

Before he hung up the phone, Chris added that if I could see where he lived and how he survived, I’d know for sure.

It was my plan to find his camp. Afterward, I said, I’d like to return to the jail. Could we meet again?

His answer was unexpected. He said, “Yes.”

···

The Belgrade Lakes area, where Knight lived, is cow-and-horse rural, nothing like the vast North Woods of Maine, wild and unpeopled. Knight’s camp was located on private property, just a few hundred feet from the nearest cabin, in an area crisscrossed by dirt roads.

When I saw Knight’s woods myself, I understood how he could remain there unnoticed. The tangle of hemlock and maple and elm is so dense the forest holds its own humidity; one step in and my glasses fogged.

But what made navigation truly treacherous were the boulders—vehicle-sized glacier-borne gifts from the last ice age—scattered wildly and everywhere. I thrashed about for an hour, wrenched a knee between two moss-slick rocks, then gave up and retreated to a road.

From left: Jennifer Smith Mayo; Maine State Police/The New York Times/Redux Pictures

Before Chris was jailed, he’d led Hughes and Perkins-Vance to his camp; I knew roughly where it was located, but my second attempt was also a failure. There was no hint of a trail. Mosquitoes swarmed. Finally, reduced to slogging in a gridlike pattern, I squeezed around a boulder and there it was.

My goodness. Chris had carved from the chaos a bedroom-sized clearing completely invisible from a few steps away, situated on a slight rise that allowed enough breeze to keep the mosquitoes away, but not so much as to cause severe windchill in winter. It was surrounded by a natural Stonehenge of boulders; overhead, tree branches linked to form a trellis-like canopy that masked his site from the air. This is why Chris’s skin was so pale—he’d lived in perpetual shade. I ended up staying there three nights, watching the rabbits by day, at night picking out a few stars behind the scrim of branches. It was as gorgeous and peaceful a place as I have ever spent time.

The police had dismantled much of his camp, but during my next visit with Chris, and several after that, he described his living space in meticulous detail. In total, Chris and I met at the jail for nine hours.

He slept in a simple camping tent, which he kept covered by several layers of brown tarps. Camouflage, he felt, was essential; he didn’t want to risk anything shiny catching someone’s eye, so he spray-painted, in foresty colors, his garbage bins and his coolers and his cooking pot. He even painted his clothespins green.

The breadth of his thievery was impressive. He’d fled the modern world only to live off the fat of it. Inside his tent was a metal bedframe he’d removed from the Pine Tree Camp; he had hauled it across the pond in a canoe. He didn’t steal the canoe. He just borrowed one, as he often did, from a lakeside cabin—”there’s a wide selection”—then returned it, sprinkling pine needles inside to make it seem unused. He also stole a box spring and mattress and sleeping bags.

He stole toilet paper and hand sanitizer for his bathroom spot. He took laundry detergent and shampoo for his wash area. There was no fire pit, as he’d insisted. He cooked on a Coleman two-burner stove that he connected to propane tanks. He stole a tremendous number of tanks, pillaging gas grills along the thirty-mile circumference of the pond. He never returned them. He buried the tanks—possibly hundreds of them—in his dump at the camp’s edge.

He stole deodorant, disposable razors, flashlights, snow boots, spices, mousetraps, spray paint, and electrical tape. He took pillows off beds. He kept three different types of thermometers in camp: digital, mercury, spring-loaded. Knowing the exact temperature was mandatory. He stole watches—he had to be sure, while on a raid, that he could return to camp before daybreak.

Deeper into the forest, in his “upper cache,” as he called it, he’d stashed plastic totes filled with enough supplies—a tent and a sleeping bag, some warm clothes—so that if he heard someone approach his camp, he could instantly abandon it and start anew. He was committed.

His diet was terrible. “Cooking is too kind a word for what I did,” Chris told me. He’d not been sick in the woods, and his worst accident was a tumble on some ice, but his teeth were rotten, and no wonder. I dug through his twenty-five years of trash, buried between boulders, and kept inventory: a five-pound tub that once held Marshmallow Fluff, an empty box of Devil Dogs, peanut butter, Cheetos, honey, graham crackers, Cool Whip, tuna fish, coffee, Tater Tots, pudding, soda, El Monterey spicy jalapeño chimichangas, and on and on and on.

Continued (page 4 of 5)

He stole radios and earphones and hid an antenna up in trees. For a while, he listened to a lot of conservative talk radio. Later he got hooked on classical music—Tchaikovsky and Brahms, yes; Bach, no. “Bach is too pristine,” he said. He went through a spell of listening to television shows on the radio; “theater of the mind,” he called it. Everybody Loves Raymond was a favorite. But his undying passion was classic rock: the Who, AC/DC, Judas Priest, and above all, Lynyrd Skynyrd. We covered hundreds of topics while chatting in jail, and nothing received higher praise than Lynyrd Skynyrd. “They will be playing Lynyrd Skynyrd songs in a thousand years,” he proclaimed.

He also stole the occasional handheld video game—Pokémon, Tetris, Dig Dug—but the majority of his free time was spent reading or observing the forest. “Don’t mistake me for some bird-watching PBS type,” he warned, but then proceeded to poetically describe the crunch of dry leaves underfoot (“walking on corn flakes”) and the rumble of an ice crack propagating across the pond (“like a bowling ball rolling down an alley”).

He stole hundreds of books over the years; his preference was military history—he named William Shirer’s The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich as his favorite book—but he took whatever was available. Magazines were more common. When he finished them, he’d create bricks of magazines, bound with electrical tape, and bury them in the ground to level out his camp. Beneath his tent area were dozens of these bricks.

I unearthed a stack of National Geographics with the dates still legible: 1991 and 1992. I also saw People, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, and Vanity Fair. There was even a collection of Playboys. One book Chris never stole was the Bible. “I can’t claim a belief system,” he said. He celebrated no holidays. He meditated now and then but did not pray.

With one exception. When the worst of a Maine winter struck, all rules were suspended. “Once you get below negative twenty, you purposely don’t think,” he told me. His eyes went wide and fearful from the memory. “That’s when you do have religion. You do pray. You pray for warmth.”

···

Chris lived by the rhythms of the seasons, but his thoughts were dominated by surviving winter. Preparations began at the end of each summer as the lakeside cabins were shutting down for the year. “It was my busiest time,” he said. “Harvest time. A very ancient instinct. Though not usually associated with crime.”

His first goal was to get fat. This was a life-or-death necessity. “I gorged myself on sugar and alcohol,” he said. “It’s the quickest way to gain weight, and I liked the inebriation.” The bottles he stole were signs of a man who’d never once, as he admitted, ordered a drink at a bar: Allen’s Coffee Flavored Brandy, Seagram’s Escapes Strawberry Daiquiri, something called Whipped Chocolate Valley Vines (from the label: “fine chocolate, whipped cream & red wine”).

Photo: Jennifer Smith-Mayo

As the evenings began to chill, he grew his beard to the ideal length—about an inch, long enough to insulate his face, short enough to prevent ice buildup. He intensified his thieving raids, stocking up on food and propane. The first snow usually came in November. Chris was always fearful about leaving a single boot print anywhere, which is impossible to avoid in a blanket of snow. And so for the next six months, until the spring thaw in April, Chris rarely strayed from his clearing in the woods.

I asked him if he just slept all the time, a human hibernation. “Completely wrong,” he replied. “It’s dangerous to sleep too long in winter.” When seriously frigid weather descended, he conditioned himself to fall asleep at 7:30 P.M. and get up at 2 A.M. “That way, at the depth of cold, I was awake.” If he remained in bed any longer, condensation from his body could freeze his sleeping bag. “If you try and sleep through that kind of cold, you might never wake up.”

The first thing he’d do at 2 A.M. was light his stove and start melting snow. To get his blood circulating, he’d pace the perimeter of his camp. His feet never seemed to fully thaw, but as long as he had a fresh pair of socks, this wasn’t a problem. “It’s more important to be dry than warm,” Chris said. By dawn, he’d have his day’s water supply. “Then, if I had had food, I’d have a meal.”

And if he didn’t have food? There were, he said, some very hard winters—desperate winters—in which he ran out of propane and finished his food. The suffering was acute. Chris called it “physical, emotional, and psychological pain.” He hinted to me there were times he contemplated suicide.

Why not just leave the woods? Chris said he thought about it. He even kept a whistle in his camp. “If I blew on it in sequences of three, help might come.” But he never used it. Rather, he made a firm decision that unless forcibly removed, he was going to spend the rest of his life behind the trees.

When he heard the song of the chickadees, he told me, he could finally relax. “That alerted me that winter is starting to lessen its grip. That the end is near. That spring is coming and I’m still alive.”

The cold never got easier. All his winter-camping expertise felt offset by advancing age. “You should have seen me in my twenties,” he boasted. “I was lord of the woods. I ruled the land I walked upon. I was tough and clever.” But over time, like an aging athlete, his body began to break down. The biggest issue was his eyesight. “For the last ten years, anything beyond an arm’s length was a blur. I used my ears more than my eyes.” If he saw a pair of glasses during a break-in, he always tried them on, but was unable to find a better prescription. His agility faded; bruises took longer to heal. His teeth constantly hurt.

The victims of his thefts, after years of waiting for a police breakthrough, eventually took matters into their own hands. Neal Patterson, whose family has owned a place on the pond for fifty years, began hiding all night in his dark house with a .357 Magnum in his hand. “I wanted to be the guy that caught the hermit,” he said. He stayed up fourteen nights one summer before he quit.

Debbie Baker, whose young boys were terrified of the hermit—to quell their fears, the family renamed him “the hungry man”—installed a surveillance camera in their cabin. And in 2002, they captured a photo of Knight. The police widely distributed the photo and figured an arrest was imminent.

It took eleven more years. After a robbery in March of 2013 at the Pine Tree Camp, Sergeant Terry Hughes, who often volunteered there, contacted the border patrol for advice. “It had gone on long enough,” said Hughes. He installed a motion detector that sounded an alarm at his house and practiced dashing from his bed to the camp until he had it down under four minutes. Then Hughes waited for the hermit to return.

···

Following his arrest, the court of public opinion was deeply divided. The man who wanted to live his life as invisibly as possible had become one of the most famous people in Maine. You could not walk into a bar in the Augusta area without stumbling into a debate about what should be done with Christopher Knight.

Some said that he must immediately be released from jail. Stealing cheese and bacon are not serious crimes. The man was apparently never violent. He didn’t carry a weapon. He’s an introvert, not a criminal. He clearly has no desire to be a part of our world. Let’s open a Kickstarter, get him enough cash for a few years’ worth of groceries, and allow him to go back to the woods. Some people were willing to let him live on their land, rent-free.

Others countered that it wasn’t the physical items he robbed that made his crimes so disturbing—he stole hundreds of people’s peace of mind. Their sense of security. How were they supposed to know Knight wasn’t armed and dangerous? Even a single break-in can be punishable by a ten-year sentence. If Knight really wanted to live in the woods, he should’ve done so on public lands, hunting and fishing for food. He’s nothing but a lazy man and a thief times a thousand. Lock him up in the state penitentiary.

On October 28, 2013, Chris appeared in Kennebec County Superior Court and pleaded guilty to thirteen counts of burglary and theft. He was sentenced to seven months in jail—he’d already served all but a week of this, waiting for his case to be resolved. The sentence was far more lenient than it could have been, though even the prosecutor said a long prison term seemed cruel in this case. Chris was ordered to meet with a judge every Monday, and avoid alcohol, and either find a job or go to school. If he violated these terms, he could be sent to prison for seven years.

Before his release, I met with Chris again. He said he’d be returning home, to live with his mother. His beard was unruly—”my crazy hermit beard,” he called it. He was alarmingly skinny; he itched all over. We still didn’t make much eye contact.

“I don’t know your world,” he said. “Only my world, and memories of the world before I went into the woods. What life is today? What is proper? I have to figure out how to live.” He wished he could return to his camp—”I miss the woods”—but he knew by the rules of his release that this was impossible. “Sitting here in jail, I don’t like what I see in the society I’m about to enter. I don’t think I’m going to fit in. It’s too loud. Too colorful. The lack of aesthetics. The crudeness. The inanities. The trivia.”

Continued (page 5 of 5)

I told him I agreed with much of his assessment. But, I wondered, what about your world? What insights did you glean from your time alone? I had been trying to ask him these questions every visit, but now I pushed the point harder.

Anyone who reveals what he’s learned, Chris told me, is not by his definition a true hermit. Chris had come around on the idea of himself as a hermit, and eventually embraced it. When I mentioned Thoreau, who spent two years at Walden, Chris dismissed him with a single word: “dilettante.”

True hermits, according to Chris, do not write books, do not have friends, and do not answer questions. I asked why he didn’t at least keep a journal in the woods. Chris scoffed. “I expected to die out there. Who would read my journal? You? I’d rather take it to my grave.” The only reason he was talking to me now, he said, is because he was locked in jail and needed practice interacting with others.

“But you must have thought about things,” I said. “About your life, about the human condition.”

Chris became surprisingly introspective. “I did examine myself,” he said. “Solitude did increase my perception. But here’s the tricky thing—when I applied my increased perception to myself, I lost my identity. With no audience, no one to perform for, I was just there. There was no need to define myself; I became irrelevant. The moon was the minute hand, the seasons the hour hand. I didn’t even have a name. I never felt lonely. To put it romantically: I was completely free.”

That was nice. But still, I pressed on, there must have been some grand insight revealed to him in the wild.

He returned to silence. Whether he was thinking or fuming or both, I couldn’t tell. Though he did arrive at an answer. I felt like some great mystic was about to reveal the Meaning of Life.

“Get enough sleep.”

He set his jaw in a way that conveyed he wouldn’t be saying more. This is what he’d learned. I accepted it as truth.

“What I miss most,” he eventually continued, “is somewhere between quiet and solitude. What I miss most is stillness.” He said he’d watched for years as a shelf mushroom grew on the trunk of a Douglas fir in his camp. I’d noticed the mushroom when I visited—it was enormous—and he asked me with evident concern if anyone had knocked it down. I assured him it was still there. In the height of summer, he said, he’d sometimes sneak down to the lake at night. “I’d stretch out in the water, float on my back, and look at the stars.”

At the very end of each of our visits, I’d always asked him the same question. An essential question: Why did he disappear?

He never had a satisfying answer. “I don’t have a reason.” “I can’t explain why.” “Give me more time to think about it.” “It’s a mystery to me, too.” Then he became annoyed: “Why? That question bores me.”

But during our final visit, he was more reflective. Isn’t everybody, he said, seeking the same thing in life? Aren’t we all looking for contentment? He was never happy in his youth—not in high school, not with a job, not being around other people. Then he discovered his camp in the woods. “I found a place where I was content,” he said. His own perfect spot. The only place in the world he felt at peace.

That was all he had to tell me. He’d grown weary of my visits. Please, he begged, leave me alone; we are not friends. I don’t want to be your friend, he said, I don’t want to be anyone’s friend. “I’m not going to miss you at all,” he added.

I liked Chris, a great deal. I liked the way his mind worked; I liked the lyricism of his language. But he was a true hermit. He could no longer disappear into the wild, so he wished to melt away into the world.

“Good-bye, Chris,” I said. A guard had appeared to escort him away, but there was time for Chris to express a last thought. He did not. He hung up the phone. No wave; no nod. He stood, turned his back on me, and walked out of the visitors’ booth and down a corridor of the jail.

MICHAEL FINKEL is the author of True Story.

Depression and Christianity: A look at 1 Kings 19

depression by shawn lindsey

depression by shawn lindsey

Depression and religion seem an unlikely pair. If we look closely, we find one of God’s prophet’s doing battle with this malady.

Depression is NOT a passing blue mood or a downturn in emotions. Its grip can affect those who seem least likely to battle this silent disease. How many of us suspected Robin Williams would succumb to depression and suicide? No one, is immune. Not even a prophet of God.

Let’s back up for a moment and set the scene. In 1 Kings 18, the prophet Elijah called down fire from Heaven to consume the sacrifice offered to Baal (an idol.) Instead of riding the high of success, we see in the next chapter, Elijah was fleeing for his life. 1 Kings 19:3 says:  Elijah was afraid and ran for his life.(niv)

while he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness. He came to a broom bush, sat down under it and prayed that he might die. “I have had enough, Lord,” he said. “Take my life; I am no better than my ancestors.” 5 Then he lay down under the bush and fell asleep. (1 Kings 19:4-5 niv)

Depression gripped God’s prophet. On the heels of a success, we often find ourselves in the depths of despair. Elijah prayed that he might die. The bush that Elijah lay under was a broom tree. As we learned from past studies, that’s just enough shade to get out of the blast heat for a moment. A pause to take one more breath. One more step.

Let’s look at God’s response: All at once an angel touched him and said, “Get up and eat.” 6 He looked around, and there by his head was some bread baked over hot coals, and a jar of water. He ate and drank and then lay down again. (1 Kings 19:6 niv) Would you notice something? God did NOT scold Elijah for being depressed and wanting to die. Instead God provided an angel that said to him: Get up and eat. Depression interrupts daily lives. We lose strength and interest in the events of the day. Our busy lives demand constant attention. The first principle we learn: we need to pause and replenish our strength with food, water, and rest.

It was not until Elijah was refreshed with food and rest, that God finally gave him his marching orders: MOVE OUT! But what did he do? He hid in a cave. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too. (1 Kings 19:10b niv)

Does God yell at Elijah for being fearful once again? NO! Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” (1 Kings 19:13b) The second principle: Don’t assume everything is okay. Gently ask, “How can I pray for you?” It takes an investment in time in the life of another, to pray intelligently for someone WITHOUT using the word: bless! How much time are you investing in others lives to help them meet their goals, ambitions and dreams? James 5:16 tells us the prayers of a righteous man are powerful AND effective.

Like Elijah, we can feel like ‘we are the only one left.” Isolation breeds loneliness; Loneliness breeds despair. The vicious cycle repeats over and over again. We believe the old formula:


self-worth = my performance + other people’s opinions

Never realizing our self-worth is based fully upon the value Jesus Christ gave to our lives through His death upon the cross at Calvary. Our focus is outward; not inward.

Depression has many faces. It is NOT the result of sin. It is hidden from view. Sequestered from sharing. God’s prophet was depressed and wanted to die. Reach out to those around you. Become entangled with their dreams. Carry them in prayer during times of adversity and despair. Mountaintops become meaningless without the valleys.

The third and final principle: God often reveals himself in the resolutely insignificant. An encouraging word from a friend. A smile from a stranger at the store. The back-and-forth banter with the grocery clerk. A shared meal. We expect God to move in big ways — but often he chooses random acts of kindness to remind us of His presence. One of the greatest promises we fail to claim is Hebrews 13:8. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever. (niv)

Let’s grow deeper in our relationship with God and others. This is NOT a contest to see who can rack up the most likes on their Facebook page. It is a battle for the hearts, minds and souls of your neighbour.

Change a mind about mental illness:

and you can change a life.

Resources:

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) (800) 950-6264 (toll free)

National Suicide Prevention Hotline (800) 273-8255 (toll free)

Veteran’s Crisis Line (800) 273-8255 (toll free) PRESS 1

Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness

This is a quote from the Jerry S. Cook book by the same name. I was surprised that I could not find it anywhere on the internet.

“Brother, I want you to know that I’m committed to you. You’ll never knowingly suffer at my hands. I”ll never say or do anything, knowingly, to hurt your. I’ll always in every circumstance seek to help your you and support you. If you’re down and I can lift you up, I’ll do that. Anything I have that your need, I’ll share with you, and if need be, I’ll give it to you. No matter what I find out about you and no matter what happens in the future, either good or bad, my commitment to your will never change. And there’s nothing your can do about it. You don’t have to respond. I love you, and that’s what that means.”

Jerry S. Cook Love, Acceptance, & Forgiveness, (Ventura CA: Regal Books, 1979) p. 13

Robb K. Looks back 5 years after Battling Cancer

Robb K.

Robb K.

Robb K.
May 6, 2014

Five years ago, to the day, I awoke long before the sun was up to prepare myself for the longest and the shortest day of my life. I took the hottest shower I could stand. I swallowed a small bluish-purple pill to calm my nerves and make me compliant.

I sat in darkness in our living room trying to mentally prepare myself for surgery and not knowing how the procedure was going to turn out. Prior to that day, I had never had surgery, received stitches or even a cast prior to that day. I’d never visited the emergency room because I’ve lived a mostly safe and boring life. In the four-ish month stint prior to that morning, I had completed 25 treatments of chemo and several weeks of a bleeding edge chemotherapy treatment taken via large beige pills. I can remember their slight chalkiness, their warning labels for no one else to touch them but me (even touching them was hazardous to the non-sick).

I remember putting on my stupid basketball shorts and stupider pajama pants over top of them. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and trying to imagine where my new scars would be and if they would be distinguishable from my fat fatterson stretchmarks.

I can’t remember who drove to the hospital, if Christina drove… or if I did it.

I remember walking from the car to the waiting room in the surgery center and seeing some family there. I remember seeing friends in the waiting room and people from church praying with me just before a nurse calling my name to go back to a cold room to change into a gown.

I remember smelling iodine. I remember crudely joking about the cold. I can remember the anesthesiologist’s Siberian Husky-like blue eyes. I can remember Dr. Shedd turning on a radio and reassuring me that he was going to do the best job he could do. I remember the white plastic bar of the surgery table. I remember thinking I was too fat to fit on it. I think I remember looking at the ceiling and the lights before I blasted off into infinity. I remember the being all cares and phobias being removed by pharmacology as if each one were a finger to pluck from a ledge.

I can remember waking up and seeing three things. A boring clock like you imagine every hospital has. The OR nurse who was crying. She had long blonde hair in tight curls. Those kinds of curls always remind me of some kind of fancy pasta whose name I don’t know because I was born too low for it to be important. Standing next to the nurse was my wife. She was also crying and holding my hand and touching my face. (These three things are in ascending order of importance , before someone says something about me recalling a nurse before my wife).

I can remember feeling around my abdomen trying to figure out where the surgery site was. If it was high, that was good. If it were low, it was… less than desirable. Because I am always at the mercy of the universe’s statistics, my new wound was in a third and previously undiscussed surgery sight. I didn’t understand why everyone was crying and if they were good tears or bad tears or if I was even awake yet. Good news was tempered with bad. Positively ebbs and flows with occurrences of set back and disappointments.

I don’t remember talking to the surgeon but I do remember repeating the words “Thank you” aloud. I remember saying it after everyone left. I remember saying it before falling in and out of sleep every day and night I spent in the hospital and I remember saying it when I finally came home.

I am not always thankful. I thought I always would be. But today, tonight, I am remembering and I am thankful to still be here.